Don’t Send Me No E-Mail   (owed to Arlo)      
by John Flynn


Got out of bed today before the dawn
I made some coffee, turned my laptop on
I checked my email despite some foreboding
Five hours later it was still downloading

Don’t send me no email
Bout pleasing no female
Or getting drugs wholesale
Or saving no beached whale
Don’t want to refinance
Or change what’s in my pants
Please desist and curtail
this sending of email 

Each day as I stare at my blinking cursor
It seems the problem’s only getting worser
I used to love email but now I hate it
I have been virtually inundated
by hyper links to hyperactive shows
Of pulchritude, pills, and politicos
This fusillade has got my inbox groaning
And though I’m awfully glad that you’re not phoning chorus



When every one of these cyber secretions
Is picked and clicked to mark it for deletion
I push the button and I vanquish them
Just in time to do it all again

Well I remember… seems like yesterday
They drew a circle round the letter a
They stuck it on the end of my first name
And ever since my life ain’t been the same
Well Scottie you had better beam me up
’cause my computer’s got bulimia
It binges on e-mail and then it purges
Tell Mr. Spock time next time he gets the urges… chorus

No spam, thank you ma'am!!! Email ….
Oh, please ask them if they’ll
cease, desist and curtail
Don’t send me no email

© 2005 Flying Stone Music